Thursday, September 8, 2011 at 2:52PM 5 life lessons I learned from watching “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”
Rise of the Planet of the Apes, is a film laced with a wealth of life lessons, that once acknowledged and practiced will allow us to take actions that will guarantee our success and happiness.
Life Lesson One:
Medication and not hard work is the key to success.
Movie Scene:
"Scientist Will Rodman (James Franco) develops a cure for Alzheimer’s by testing a retro virus on chimpanzees. Inadvertently, the retro virus bestows the apes with human like intelligence."
Reasoning behind life lesson:
It is time to turn off the audio books, rip up your library card and withhold your tuition check.
East German athletes were right from the very beginning; success comes in a large syringe filled with under tested medication and not by taxing the limits of our natural abilities.
Sadly, it is not all bananas and picking mites. Not everyone will be lucky enough to lazily sit back and wait for a miracle drug. There still has to be that group of hard working scientists and researchers (i.e. society’s suckers) dedicated to finding medications to cure diseases, so that we can benefit from the misuse of those drugs.
Life Lesson Two:
Real Estate is the best investment you can make in a down economy.
Movie Scene:
"After starting a revolt, the apes escape into the Redwood Forest’s of San Francisco. Caesar tells Will that his fellow apes and himself consider the forest their home. “
Reasoning behind life lesson:
The government can evict one squatter, but evicting an entire army of squatters that live on top of 250 foot trees is impossible. If you want evidence, just look at how much trouble the Empire had in evicting those treacherous Ewok’s.
In these recessionary times, you have to make your own luck; find an army of like minded individuals looking to enter a speculative real estate market and head out to your nearest nature reserve to claim what is yours.
Life Lesson Three:
Knowledge is power.
Movie Scene:
"Will creates an improved retro virus that makes the apes even smarter. Sadly, the drug is fatal to humans and very contagious"
Reasoning behind life lesson:
Remember, it's the "meek" (i.e. nerds, geeks, smart people), not the stupid, that will inherit the earth.
And, inheriting does not mean sharing. It means “this earth” is mine, and you have to find somewhere else to live, or somewhere else to not live.
Apparently, not only does being smarter make other people dumber, it also makes them deader.
Life Lesson Four:
Burning bridges is good. (Metaphorically speaking)
Movie Scene:
"The apes overrun the Golden Gate Bridge in an effort to escape in to the Red Wood forest. The military fails to blow up the bridge and stop the monkeys."
Reasoning behind life lesson:
Whether it is a horde of super smart monkeys or an office filled with assholes, burning or even blowing up a bridge is a great idea.
You just got a new job, and you are at your angriest and cockiest, so now is the perfect time to tell people how you really feel. This is the reason you leave a job, to make sure you never have to see or deal with these people again.
Life Lesson Five:
Do not trust your pets.
Movie Scene:
"Will takes the chimp Caesar home after the baby’s mother is murdered. He raises the baby like it is his own child."
Reasoning behind life lesson:
Stop teaching horses how to count, cats to say I love you and squirrels to water-ski. These are all skills that they will use to dominate us when we least expect it.
But, instead of an armed revolt, they are using psychological warfare. Training us to carry them around in our purses, clean up their fecal matter and feed them bottled water. All of it is a planned insurgence that will lead us to Pet World Domination.
A close examination of any film will give you a glimpse into the movies’ real purpose. That purpose is to make us all better people. Sit back, watch and accept everything you see on the screen as a life lesson you have to implement as soon as the credits are over.
productivity tagged life lessons, monkeys, movies, parody, satire
Reader Comments (3)
Life Lesson 6 - don't trust talking apes, wait a sec what what family does Homo sapiens belong
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