Avoidance

Avoidance is a condition that has become more prevalent as the stresses of our professional and personal lives magnify our anxieties and fears.

These magnified emotions distort our perception, making us unable to properly balance risks versus rewards.

People refuse to take on an activity or enter into a scenario because their mind is clouded by negative thoughts and perceptions. They believe the end result will leave them vulnerable to embarrassment, criticism, or humiliation.

Even if they had successfully completed the activity before, they still cannot visualize the rewards of completing the task.

Like any bad habit, it can start small and grow into something serious if left unchecked.

Environment is a key ingredient in the development of avoidance.

Positive and supportive work environments give us little to fear. But, in a negative environment, mistakes can feel like world ending events.

People become scared into inaction.

Even good situations can be distorted by depression. Sometimes personal lives poison our perception of work and vice versa.

Avoidance can range from the serious; consistent absenteeism and lateness to smaller issues like cutting corners on projects, cancelling meetings or not returning calls.

Sometimes the tendencies are temporary, other times people develop a comfort zone. A pattern develops where one issue of avoidance evolves into another, becoming more pronounced.

A manager’s or co-workers first instinct maybe to label the person lazy, but this rarely leads to any successful resolution. Instead, it feeds into the person’s depression and anxiety, therefore, energizing the tendency to avoid.

Instead, people might try to engage a person on a personal level, completely separate from work. Gage their emotional state, and how they perceive the world. What internal and external factors have contributed to the tendency to avoid?

An avoider needs to clearly see the consequences of his inaction.

Activity

Get in touch with your “cognitive reasoning.”

What am I afraid of and why?

What situations or activities do I avoid?

• What am I feeling when I avoid this activity or scenario.
• What negative scenario’s am I visualizing 

Are the feeling and scenario’s based on cold facts? 

• List out a scenario when you didn’t avoid the activity.
• What positive outcome was there?
• What are you losing out on, by avoiding this activity?

What are the negative outcomes of continuing to avoid this activity?

Are you willing to live with the consequences of your actions?

Review your answers, once you define the problem you can solve it.

example:

You avoid talking to your manager.

You feel she doesn’t listen to you and is negative about your performance.

In this case you might take an inventory of successes you have had at the company or in your past. And, be honest about your short comings and be prepared to ask for help.

How did you feel after you prepared and went through with the activity?  

• How can I improve my preparation?
• What was good about the activity?
• How am I going to benefit from repeating this action?

What tools can I use to reduce these feeling?

Example:

Sending an email before you talk with the person you feel nervous about.

Hi Bob,

     I have something sensitive to discuss with you. This happened, and that was the consequence.
     I’ll give you a few minutes, can you send me and email to say you have reviewed it and I’ll come in to discuss it.

In a message like this you have taken away some of the resistance of the contact and preps both parties for a discussion without shock.

Keep a copy of your answers with you and concentrate on how you have overcome your fears in the past and why you do not need to be anxious.

Avoidance is a tendency you can conquer when you understand why you are doing it.

Unresolved fears and anxieties fuel a distorted perception of your environment and competence. If you are tempted to step away and avoid an activity or scenario, use that moment to step back, remove yourself from the action, remember your successes and visualize the reward of accomplishing your goal.